atouchofstrife | 89... we all fall down

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89... we all fall down

[ video connected ]

[The picture's fuzzy and there's a very large black cat peering at the camera, followed by a paw that taps lightly on the screen. A low moan is heard and the cat disappears from view, letting people see the dark room, the messy disorder of papers and service notices. There's a groan and spikey blond hair appears, followed by dazed Mako blue eyes set in a too pale face. The blond scratches at his head, frowning, looking away from the camera, and then his eyes widen and his hand grabs at his hair.]

Shit... no. Fuck... what was I...

[Eyes closed, he makes a sharp high pitched whine, like rusted gears trying to move.]

nonononononoNO!

[Again there is a cat in the way, and the phone gets knocked off the dresser - showing a half open steel chest with a few glowing spheres - and then it goes off.]

[ video disconnected ]

[ooc; Action for anyone in the house, voice for anyone else checking in on him. And yes, he is not going to be in a good mood.]

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[He couldn't keep the harden expression for long. Cloud looked away again, plucking at the covers on his bed. With the room silent, Minuit poked her head from out behind Cloud's strong box and mrrowed.]

[Desperate for a distraction, Zack crouched down and extended his hand in Minuit's direction. Cloud knew he'd come back, right? This wasn't a big deal. It... wasn't as if this was digging up ghosts of bad memories for either...]

...I guess a better thing to say would be I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth.

[Minuit crept out and looked at him before creeping over and bumping her head against his hand. Cloud kept his gaze down, frowning a little. If he was honest with himself, he would admit that it wasn't shock at Zack's death by his hand - it was letting himself get so caught up in killing people for something they couldn't help. He didn't like going back to the mindless actions of a puppet.]

...It would have. I'm sorry too.

[Zack shifted a little, uncomfortable, and scratched under Minuit's chin.]

You don't have anything to apologize for. To me, at least.

[Poor little kitty keeps on jumping at the slightest sound. Cloud gripped his covers and then just threw them aside, half stumbling, half falling out of the bed.]

Still... [He stopped from actually crossing the room, instead sitting on the floor opposite of Zack.] Some SOLDIER I turn out to be.

I wouldn't have wanted to see you go down that dead end.

It's the only reason I went to Midgar.

[Zack grew quiet, trying to fumble with his kid gloves, and suddenly wondered why the hell he should bother. He laughed, instead. A dark and bitter sound.]

The real thing never really lives up to the ideals and dreams that precede it.

[Cloud's mouth twisted. He knows that now, but he always thought that there was always something good about gaining the respect and skills of a good SOLDIER.]

It could have been something more. But I was never stupid to think that it didn't mean 'loyal attack dog of stupid rich people'.

You were a lot less misguided than I was, then.

I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be able to protect people. I wanted to be like Sephiroth.

[Cloud drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees. His lips twitched in a dark smile.]

Guess some of it came true.

More good than bad. And more than you probably realize.

[Zack smiled weakly, though he meant every word.]

It wasn't something I wanted bad enough to cost me you.

[He frowned and stretched his let out, poking Zack with his foot.]

You're doing it again.

I'm letting you unload, that's all. The same... Angeal did for me, you know?

[That was a lie.]

Or at least invited me to.

You should try it sometimes. It can be useful, even if it's talking to a cat.

[Cloud watched him for a moment or two and then sighed, lowering his head.]

We all do that when we think people shouldn't worry.

[Zack snorted.]

That's a near-constant, for me. I'm an idiot that can't admit it when he needs help or is afraid of something. I'm a better liar than a SOLDIER. But... That's why I couldn't talk to him. Can't talk to him. Whatever. He put so much faith in me and I couldn't live up to even half of it.

Even if I made it as a SOLDIER, I failed as a friend.

There's always time to change that. At least, you have that time here.

[He rested his cheek against his knees, young looking save for the age in his eyes.]

Reality can never live up to fantasy and ideals. But I think he couldn't be that disappointed in you. You tried and that's a hell of a lot more than most people in your situation.

And a great job I'm doing, seizing that opportunity. It doesn't change the fact that I couldn't do it. It doesn't change the fact that I made all the same mistakes he did while consciously trying not to.

[He was quiet for a second before letting himself fall back and flop onto the floor.]

There are so many reasons why I shouldn't be saying this stuff out loud. It always comes out wrong.

It's better than trying to keep it inside.

[Cloud hesitated for a moment and then shrugged, crawling over to Zack's side and stretching out next to him.]

Tifa made sure I learnt that one.

[Zack laughed lightly under his breath.]

Yeah, she... already got on my case, a while back.

I didn't tell her I was dying. [He shrugged, throwing his arm over his eyes.] She didn't take it too kindly.

So what are we doing from this?

...I don't know. What do you need?

Right now?

I don't know.

I'm fine with admiring the cracks in the ceiling, if you are.

Idiot. [He said it softly and with a fond curve to his lips.] Fine.

89... we all fall down

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