89... we all fall down

[atouchofstrife]

[ video connected ]

[The picture's fuzzy and there's a very large black cat peering at the camera, followed by a paw that taps lightly on the screen. A low moan is heard and the cat disappears from view, letting people see the dark room, the messy disorder of papers and service notices. There's a groan and spikey blond hair appears, followed by dazed Mako blue eyes set in a too pale face. The blond scratches at his head, frowning, looking away from the camera, and then his eyes widen and his hand grabs at his hair.]

Shit... no. Fuck... what was I...

[Eyes closed, he makes a sharp high pitched whine, like rusted gears trying to move.]

nonononononoNO!

[Again there is a cat in the way, and the phone gets knocked off the dresser - showing a half open steel chest with a few glowing spheres - and then it goes off.]

[ video disconnected ]


[ooc; Action for anyone in the house, voice for anyone else checking in on him. And yes, he is not going to be in a good mood.]

Comments

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have wanted to see you go down that dead end.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

It's the only reason I went to Midgar.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

[Zack grew quiet, trying to fumble with his kid gloves, and suddenly wondered why the hell he should bother. He laughed, instead. A dark and bitter sound.]

The real thing never really lives up to the ideals and dreams that precede it.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

[Cloud's mouth twisted. He knows that now, but he always thought that there was always something good about gaining the respect and skills of a good SOLDIER.]

It could have been something more. But I was never stupid to think that it didn't mean 'loyal attack dog of stupid rich people'.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

You were a lot less misguided than I was, then.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be able to protect people. I wanted to be like Sephiroth.

[Cloud drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees. His lips twitched in a dark smile.]

Guess some of it came true.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

More good than bad. And more than you probably realize.

[Zack smiled weakly, though he meant every word.]

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

It wasn't something I wanted bad enough to cost me you.

[He frowned and stretched his let out, poking Zack with his foot.]

You're doing it again.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

I'm letting you unload, that's all. The same... Angeal did for me, you know?

[That was a lie.]

Or at least invited me to.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

You should try it sometimes. It can be useful, even if it's talking to a cat.

[Cloud watched him for a moment or two and then sighed, lowering his head.]

We all do that when we think people shouldn't worry.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

[Zack snorted.]

That's a near-constant, for me. I'm an idiot that can't admit it when he needs help or is afraid of something. I'm a better liar than a SOLDIER. But... That's why I couldn't talk to him. Can't talk to him. Whatever. He put so much faith in me and I couldn't live up to even half of it.

Even if I made it as a SOLDIER, I failed as a friend.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

There's always time to change that. At least, you have that time here.

[He rested his cheek against his knees, young looking save for the age in his eyes.]

Reality can never live up to fantasy and ideals. But I think he couldn't be that disappointed in you. You tried and that's a hell of a lot more than most people in your situation.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

And a great job I'm doing, seizing that opportunity. It doesn't change the fact that I couldn't do it. It doesn't change the fact that I made all the same mistakes he did while consciously trying not to.

[He was quiet for a second before letting himself fall back and flop onto the floor.]

There are so many reasons why I shouldn't be saying this stuff out loud. It always comes out wrong.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

It's better than trying to keep it inside.

[Cloud hesitated for a moment and then shrugged, crawling over to Zack's side and stretching out next to him.]

Tifa made sure I learnt that one.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

[Zack laughed lightly under his breath.]

Yeah, she... already got on my case, a while back.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

I didn't tell her I was dying. [He shrugged, throwing his arm over his eyes.] She didn't take it too kindly.

So what are we doing from this?

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

...I don't know. What do you need?

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Right now?

I don't know.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

I'm fine with admiring the cracks in the ceiling, if you are.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Idiot. [He said it softly and with a fond curve to his lips.] Fine.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

I thought that've been obvious, by now.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

You're... not as dumb as you act.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

[Zack sounded amused.]

That's a different kind of stupid than the kind I mean.

[Action]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

I perfer the term 'boneheaded'.

[Action]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"Stubborn" is a lot more flattering, you know.