58... stuck in the middle

[atouchofstrife]

private\\unhackable

Do I miss them? Yes. But I am not going to think about it. It's better this way, I know it. He's got friends here now and she doesn't remember much at all. And I have friends here - I have Aerith and Zack and I've met the person that taught Zack. He's also 1st Class and I never imagined how different he is from Zack. Although it is weird, to meet someone that I've heard about who is older than me and yet it the same age as me here now. I'm not sure if I like that feeling.

But I think something's off. I'm not sure what yet, but there's something odd going on now that Angeal's here. I sometimes think that they're trying to keep me happy which is just off. Huh. We'll see.

\private


More SOLDIERs, huh? Next, they'll drag in Turks, Rufus and a few chocobos. Not that I'd mind the chocobos. I miss racing them.

Comments

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

Well, if you're really comfortable with it.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Comfort has nothing to do with it.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

It has everything to do with it! You don't need to force yourself to bring up that kind of thing if you don't want to.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

I won't have to bring it up if he asks about what happened after! I told him I did the job and buried the sword, so he'll probably will want to know what job I did.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

...What'd he say about the sword?

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Nothing.

Don't change the subject.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

Then I won't. What else do you have to say?

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

It happened. I can't undo what had happened, and neither can you. Stop trying to live for a time when you couldn't.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

...Then what should I be doing?

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Live for now.

Someone wise told me that one.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

If certain things are said, that won't be easy.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Do you trust him?

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

Who?

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Angeal. Do you trust him?

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

......


I don't know if I trust him to trust himself. That's all.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Then let's take it step by step and not act like everything's falling apart.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

That's the thing. One well-aimed poke, and the entire thing will fall apart.

Angeal made me kill him because he was convinced he was a monster. Being here doesn't change anything about that. If he still thinks he is, then--

I don't want to add to that by making him think about what happened to me after it. He'd blame himself.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

Then you'll have to prove to himn he's not a monster.

None of us are even if we aren't human any more.

It's not his fault. It's not my fault. If anyone is to blame it is ShinRa.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

I know that, Cloud. I know that.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

But does he?

Sorry. I just don't want you to lose him again.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

No. I have to figure out how to deal with it. At the moment, avoiding it and... doing the usual, is the only way I can.

...Thanks.

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

I don't think that option will work for very much longer.

Just... don't do something completely stupid.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

Is that a "do" or "act", Cloud?

[Private]

[cloudsinstrife.livejournal.com]

You know what I mean, Zack.

[Private]

[plz-2-b-an-hero.livejournal.com]

As long as I have your word on it.